Foundations, Conversation 3: Building Relationships
Our Philosophy
“People do not care how much you know until they know how much you care.”
– Often attributed to Theodore Roosevelt
Good Morning
Can I tell you something that has always made me smile? In real estate, people often call someone walking through the front door an “up.” I never liked that word. Not once. To me, they were never ups. They were guests. Maybe it came from years of standing in model homes, the way I was raised, or the simple belief that if someone walked through the front door of my home, I would never see them as an opportunity. I would see someone I’d invited in. Looking back, changing that one word quietly changed the way I built relationships for the rest of my career. Words matter. The words we choose often reveal how we really see people. When the way I looked at people changed, everything else began to change too.
A Quick Story
One afternoon, a young couple walked into my model home carrying a little girl who couldn’t have been more than three years old. She was asleep on her dad’s shoulder. Mom looked exhausted. Dad looked worried. They apologized for bothering me. I laughed and told them they weren’t; truthfully, I’d been hoping someone would walk through that door all afternoon. We toured the kitchen, bedrooms, and backyard. They nodded politely, but something felt different. About halfway through, Mom stopped and quietly said, “Dennis, I don’t know why we’re even here.” I asked what she meant. She took a deep breath. “We’re afraid we’re going to disappoint her again.” Looking at the little girl on Dad’s shoulder, she continued, “We’ve looked at so many homes, and every time we get our hopes up, something falls apart.”
Buddy, at that moment we weren’t talking about real estate anymore. We were talking about hope. The house became secondary. The conversation didn’t. We sat at the model-home kitchen table for almost an hour and talked about life, fear, budgets, and what home really meant to them. When they stood to leave, Dad shook my hand. Mom smiled. Before they walked out, Dad turned and said, “Thanks for listening.” Not, “Thanks for your time.” Not, “Thanks for showing us the house.” Just, “Thanks for listening.” I do not remember the square footage, elevation, or brick color. I still remember that little girl sleeping on her daddy’s shoulder and what her parents were really looking for. It wasn’t a house. It was hope.
Then I Realized
People rarely come to us because they simply need a house. They come because something in life is changing: a new baby, a growing family, a promotion, retirement, divorce, an aging parent, a fresh start, or a difficult goodbye. The address matters, of course, but it is almost never the whole story. The real story is the season of life they’re walking through. We have the privilege of walking through a small part of it with them. Once I understood that, I stopped trying to become a better salesperson and started trying to become a better listener. Funny thing is, business got better. Not because I learned a better closing technique, but because people knew they mattered.
What Comes to Mind
Think about someone you’ll never forget. Not because they were successful or famous, but because of the way they treated you. Maybe it was a teacher, coach, neighbor, pastor, or grandparent.
What made that person unforgettable? Chances are it wasn’t one grand gesture. It was a hundred small ones: a phone call, a handwritten note, a promise kept, or a conversation when you needed one most.
It was the feeling that when you were with them, you mattered. Isn’t that exactly how you’d like your clients to feel?
Reality Check
You do not need:
- Ten thousand followers
- A viral video
- A million-dollar advertising budget
- The newest CRM
- The perfect listing presentation
You do need:
- Learn people’s names
- Listen more than you speak
- Return phone calls
- Keep your promises
- Stay connected long after closing
Relationships do not end when the transaction closes. If anything, that is when they begin.
The Relationship Trap
Can I tell you where I think we sometimes get this wrong? We confuse networking with relationship building. Networking quietly asks, “What can this person do for me?” Relationships ask, “How can I make this person’s day a little better?” One collects business cards; the other earns trust. One builds a contact list; the other builds a community. They are not the same thing.
Another Story
Several years after that family bought their home, my phone rang. It was Dad. For a second, I thought something must be wrong. Instead, he laughed and said, “Dennis, I thought you’d want to know.”
Their daughter, the little girl who had slept on his shoulder, had just graduated from high school. We talked for a few minutes, not about real estate or another house, but about life. After I hung up, I sat there smiling. Somewhere along the way, I had stopped being only their REALTOR® and become someone they wanted to share life with. Buddy, there isn’t a commission check in the world that feels better than that.
